The afternoons/evenings are starting to get dark earlier and earlier here in Oslo, Norway, as we’re approaching the winter solstice and the darkest time of the year (dark outside, but light within). We’re in the last days of fall, a time of returning inwards, preparing for winter, harvesting and completion. According to some, this season is also associated with the dark feminine, also known as the witch, or wild woman. So I suppose it’s only appropriate that I am reconnecting with that part of myself at the moment…
As we’re coming out of the eclipse season and the intensity of that energy waning somewhat, I am working through the aftermath of my abandonment wound being brought up to heal. I talked about this quite extensively in my previous blog post, and it seems the “clean-up” continues. I’ve been feeling quite a bit of tension in my heart chakra since, a kind of anxiety or unease, and it just doesn’t seem to want to let up. As I clear out one aspect of this, another one appears, and on it goes. It’s a little tiring, but I suppose it is necessary to get to the love and peace underneath it all. So I will soldier on. 😊
This week I have been guided to connect with my dark feminine aspect. The dark feminine is the powerful, fiery and transformational aspect of the divine feminine. The wild woman who does as she pleases, is passionate, creative, seductive, fearless and fierce. She can be destructive, but only in a way that let’s go of the old, what no longer serves her. This as opposed to the light feminine energy, which is nurturing, intuitive, compassionate, empathetic and forgiving. We need to embrace both these aspects of ourselves in order to have balance, but I personally, am realizing that I have neglected and suppressed my dark feminine, having been a little bit afraid of her and her power. But the time has come to embrace that aspect of me and integrate her into my overall energy, in an empowered way of course.
It’s actually quite interesting how this came to me. It all started with a dream I had at the beginning of the week. To summarize the dream, I dreamt that a twin flame coach/healer that I follow and respect ( I had a session with him earlier in the fall that was very helpful) flung a big, hairy spider at me, and it landed on my throat, right at my throat chakra. The way he did it, didn’t feel malicious, more like he was trying to tell me something, in a bit of a shocking way, to drive home a point. Knowing that the throat chakra has to do with our authenticity and expression, I figured it must have something to do with that. After some more digging I found that the spider can be representative of our dark aspect, or the dark mother. Sensing that the spider has a somewhat feminine vibe, I realized that the dream was trying to tell me to explore and express my dark feminine aspects more, and integrate them.
As I have talked about previously (in the aforementioned blog post), I have been conditioned into and primarily embraced the light feminine aspect of myself, mostly due to the trauma of being emotionally abandoned by my mother, but this also has roots in past lives). For fear of not fitting in and being accepted, I have shunned the fiery, boundary-setting dark feminine, and mostly done as I’ve been told, ever being the good girl. Of course, our patriarchal society also mostly shuns the dark feminine, so it’s no wonder she hasn’t been given the room she deserves by so many of us. This results mostly in us repressing her, like I have done, or embracing too much her, that may result in manipulation and overly dramatic behavior. The key is to integrate enough of her to find our balance, and that means, among other things, setting strong boundaries, standing up for ourselves and fighting for what’s right in the world.
I have realized for a while now, that an important part of this journey I am on is about reclaiming my power. However, the importance of integrating the dark feminine is something that has alluded me until now. A couple of years ago, I saw a past life where I was a priestess of Isis. I had strong personal, psychic and healing powers, that were robbed from me when I and many of my sisters were captured and turned into slaves, and the temples where we worked were destroyed. I was abused (sexually and otherwise) and robbed of my powers by the dark priests that captured us. Before seeing that life, I had been afraid on some level to open up to my own power within, but I realized that seeing and understanding what happened in that life was an important step to reclaiming some of that power I had as a priestess of Isis. What I didn’t know until recently though, was that Isis is considered a goddess that is associated with expressing the dark feminine. So the fact that I have now been guided to integrate my dark feminine, is another piece of the puzzle of reclaiming that power.
It’s very interesting to see how the things that come up on this journey of healing and ascension are linked and brought together in a way that can make us heal and understand ourselves on deeper and deeper levels. To me, reclaiming my dark feminine power means to release old, suppressed anger and to not be afraid to show my anger occasionally from now on, when justified, and let my opinion be known, when I don’t like something, or disagree with someone or something. This is something I have been afraid of doing to some degree, in different situations in my life. It means to stand up for myself and set boundaries. To not allow other people to manipulate me, or seduce me to do what they want, when I don’t necessarily want that myself. Being able to say no, clearly and confidently. Allow myself to be sensual in an empowered, confident way. All these things and more are areas that I reclaim, and I expect more and more of my power to return as I do so.
I will wrap up this post for now, but I hope these words inspire you to explore your own dark feminine, and if needed, do some work to integrate more of her into your life, as I am doing. We are all such powerful beings deep down, and it’s time to not make up excuses for our existence anymore, but begin to rediscover our place in the world as empowered, fierce and loving women.
With that, I send you much love & light!
Sweet Annie Sounds 