So it’s already the first day of October as of posting this, and the final quarter of the year has commenced. This year has gone by so fast, it feels like time is speeding up more and more all the time. Here in Norway it’s getting markedly colder, and I’ve had to get some of my warmer jackets out of the closet. Normally, fall is one of my favorite seasons, when we can enjoy some cozy indoor time with candles, the fireplace crackling and perhaps some hot cocoa or cider to keep warm. I enjoy the build-up to December and the holiday season, too, which has always been my favorite time of year. December is my birthday month too, so that may be another reason why I enjoy it so much. That, and Christmas, and my memories of childhood and my mom going all out with gifts and decorations and the like. I enjoy keeping her tradition alive.
However, this year, for some reason, I haven’t quite felt ready to let go of summer, and move into the colder months. Perhaps because it didn’t quite turn into the summer I had hoped, as I have been on sick leave since the end of June, and haven’t been able to travel as I would have liked to. Regardless, I have to embrace what is, and make the most of it. So I will welcome the season with open arms, and will enjoy it with my family and friends. The astrology for the next coming months is particularly busy, too, with eclipse season starting at the end of the month, Mars going retrograde and a few other planets stationing direct. We’ll just have to buckle up and enjoy the ride as best we can.
The last couple of months of my healing journey have been interesting, as I have delved into inner child healing in a bigger way than before. Although one could argue that all healing is about healing the inner child, there have been times in my life where I have particularly focused in on connecting with my inner child and healing it. But never have I done it in such a deep way than I have in recent weeks. It started with me deciding to revamp my coaching program a little, and receiving the intuition of going through the program on my own first, being my own guinea pig, so to speak. Already on the first session, it came to me that I needed to focus on my inner child, which hadn’t been as a prominent in the program at that point. I realized that it was needed, though, as working on the inner child has the potential to go quite deep.
Ever since then, I have more or less connected in with my inner child every day, and doing various things to heal it. Sometimes talking to it, other time just holding it, but always singing to it, or toning, which is basically just making vowel sounds, expressing my inner child’s grief and pain, but also comforting it through the tones. I have found that expressing my feelings, and releasing my pain and old trauma through toning and music, has a particularly healing effect, in a different way than talking about it does. Although talking about your pain can be an important part of healing too, toning without words, accesses a different part of the brain, and allows us to express ourselves in a different way. I have found it may open up for profound healing effects.
Other areas that I am tackling in my coaching is the mother and father wounds. This is of course ties in with the inner child healing, as often wounds are created in our childhood through our relationship with our primary caregivers. Personally, I grew up with a mother who suffered from severe mental illness. She was emotionally unavailable and unable to provide me with the love, security and closeness that I needed as a child. As a result I put a lid on my self-expression, not allowing myself to be “more” than my mother. I also didn’t learn to set healthy boundaries or stand up for myself, as I rarely witnessed that in my mother. I developed an inferiority complex, not feeling that I am good enough, or deserving of good things to come to me, and all these things have ended up blocking me whenever I have tried to go after what I want in life.
The other evening, as I was connecting to my inner child, it occurred to me that I could rewrite my childhood story. This is a technique I have heard about before, but never really tried for myself. There are probably many ways of doing it, but I was called to envision myself as a child and growing up with a mother who was fully herself, healthy, in her power, and able to give me the love and attention that I needed. I saw her as the mother she could have been if she wasn’t mentally ill, and envisioned her as a great role model for me. The childhood that I saw as a result was completely different. I was free to be me, happy and made many different choices, ending up with much better experiences in my relationships. It was like night and day. And I realized that although my childhood was what it was, I can tap into the vibration of that other person, the other me, and live my life now, as if I had that kind of childhood.
Of course, I don’t think we will fully be able to do that unless we have addressed many of the issues from our childhood and healed much of the pain that was caused, otherwise we will probably feel too much resistance with this exercise. But I have done those things, and felt that I was ready to embrace that frequency, so to speak, of a happy child, and start living a life as if I had a happy childhood. It was quite a beautiful experience, and quite healing to also be able to envision my mother as a healthy and empowered woman. It is how I would prefer to see her, rather than what actually was. This exercise is not about being in denial of what actually happened, though, rather, it’s about choosing a different foundation to base your life on, a happy inner child, as opposed to a hurt and traumatized one. And that is within reach for us all, if we choose to do the work.
If you have had some challenges in your childhood, and have done some work to heal some of that, I invite you to try this exercise, if you feel called to. It was quite healing and empowering for me, and I know it can be for you, too. Inner child healing is a beautiful practice that can only help you to become more of the person you truly are, and come back to your creative, loving self. I highly encourage you to try it, and if you need some help and guidance with that, and want to go deeper and explore how I can be of assistance, check out how to do so here.
With that I sign off for this time. As always, I wish you much love & light!