Dealing with Shame and Guilt

We’re in September, and the summer months are officially over. At least the way we see it here in Norway. Still, the sun and nice weather is lingering a little bit, and as I write this new blog post, I am on the beach. Most likely for the last time this season, at least to sunbathe. So I will make the most of that and do some much needed grounding and healing in nature. As my (emotional) wounds have been quite open and inflamed these past few weeks, I am in need of that. But Mother Nature is a great healer, and taking it easy and relaxing in her beautiful embrace, gives much needed balm for the soul.

As we’re in Virgo season now, the focus is on taking care of the physical body, and doing that by flowing in the rhythm of nature. So going for a walk in the woods, sunbathing on the beach, or spending time in nature in any way is all in alignment with that. So I am enjoying that and the effect it has on my body and soul, as it is all connected. Virgo season is also about honoring the goddess, our feminine aspect, so going within and listening to that still voice, following its guidance is all part of that too. And if that voice says to take things slow, as I feel my inner voice is telling me at the moment, then I will heed that message.

I am also working through some issues around shame and guilt at the moment, so going deeper into that particular aspect of my wound is a focus of mine right now. It is something that has come up for me a bit in my personal process lately, as I realized that it’s not something I have spent a lot of time on. Most of my issues that I have felt into so far, have been around feeling like a victim, and all the bad things that have been done to me, both in this life and in past lives, not what I myself may have done to hurt others. Although some things have come up when I have been exploring some of my past lives, and of course I haven’t always been an angel in this life either, yet it has been me as the victim that has been the main focus of my healing journey up to this point.

This weekend, though, I did something involving my twin flame that I regret badly, and that made me feel a lot of shame and guilt in the aftermath. I am still working through it, actually, because it went pretty deep. I am quite disappointed in myself, as I do try to hold myself to a higher standard, and wish to be a person of integrity and honor, and what I did didn’t exactly live up to that standard. Yet, we’re all human and fallible, and none of us can live up to the perfection we strive for always, myself included. So perhaps I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I guess I have to pick myself up, forgive myself for what I did and try to do better next time. But still… I have some shame and guilt to work through in the meantime.

Actually, I had a discussion around shame and guilt with my brother recently, where we talked about the difference between the two. I think we came to the conclusion that guilt is what you feel, perhaps a bad conscience, over something specific that you have done wrong, whereas shame is more of a general feeling that you are a bad person. And I definitely feel both those things right now. Although I don’t feel that I am just a bad person, I do believe I have some redeeming qualities (hopefully 😅), but the feeling is there. I do remember in the not so distant past that I used to think that shame was a useless feeling that didn’t do any good, and that I myself didn’t feel any shame. Well, as usual, I’ve had to eat my words (or thoughts).

Continuing the discussion, I think me and my brother agreed that both feelings are useful, in that they help us correct our behavior and teach us to not do the things that make us feel guilty and shameful. So for that reason I should perhaps be grateful that I’m feeling them, and that I have a conscience, not wanting to do things that may hurt other people, and that I care enough about that. So what do to deal with it? I guess it’s pretty simple. Ask for forgiveness when possible and appropriate, forgive yourself, and take steps to ensure you don’t make the same mistake twice. Working on forgiving yourself is perhaps the hardest part, but do things to soothe your pain, and perhaps do something good for the person you wronged if they’re receptive, or something to uplift yourself and others in a more general way. I am working on some new music that I feel is helping me in this instance. To give something of myself that will hopefully benefit others at a later stage.

Sometimes we may feel guilt and shame without knowing where it came from, though, and then we need to dig a little deeper. Ask some questions to yourself, to see if it may come from a recent experience or something from your childhood perhaps? Perhaps it may be related to a particular person, or a past life even. If the latter, some past life regression may be needed to get to the root of it. Seeing a therapist or coach that is skilled at getting to the root of such issues may be worthwhile, too. I have personally found all these things helpful at various times in my life, so if you are experiencing this and want to work on it, I do recommend trying any of these methods out, whichever feels most appropriate for you. And perhaps one of the most important lessons that I have learned in dealing with this and any other issue involving negative emotions, is to just sit with them. Allow them to be and don’t try to push them away. Go deeper into them, feel them fully, take action if needed, and once they have been worked through and felt fully, they will release on their own.

One last thing I want to mention on shame and guilt before I wrap up this particular post, is that sometimes we feel guilt and shame even if we haven’t done anything wrong. If that is the case, all the above still applies, depending on the circumstances, but of course there is nothing to forgive. Yet releasing the feeling is just as important, and helping your inner child to understand that it was not to blame for what happened. This is a very important step in healing, and this scenario often comes up in cases of abuse, but also in less severe circumstances.

Well, that’s it from me today. I hope my advice in dealing with guilt and shame is useful to you, and that you may use this post as an instigation to look a little deeper at your own issues around guilt and shame. I wish you a beautiful day, and as always….

Sending you much love & light,

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