So I’m back, and making an attempt at another blog post, after taking a little break. It’s mid August already, and summer here in Norway is slowly coming to an end. I suppose my summer reflects the weather we’ve had here in Oslo, Norway; varied, quite a bit of overcast and rain, but some sunny days mixed in, and sometimes surprise variations all one the same day (haha). Jokes aside, it has actually been a nice summer in many ways; spending time with my family and friends, deepening bonds, and meeting new people as well. It has been somewhat productive, as I started working on the production of a couple of new songs. Yet there have also been some triggering episodes, and some wounds have been coming up to work through and release.
I’m still not quite done working through the most recent stuff, actually, as I can still feel some unease in my body, but it is coming along. Writing about it in this way often helps, so let’s see what comes of that… Anyway, some things happened this summer that triggered me quite a bit and made me look at some dysfunctional patterns, especially between men and women, something that I have gone into quite deeply on this journey of mine. Sometimes I feel that I get drawn into situations or meet people that trigger me, first and foremost to bring attention to my own wounds, but also to gain a deeper understanding of the collective wounding that both men and women suffer from in different ways, which results in dysfunctional relationships, and patterns and behavior that end up hurting instead of giving us the joy and pleasure that a relationship otherwise could (and should).
As is often the case, we attract what is in our own energy fields, and if there are unhealed wounds from the past, the universe (or some other benevolent force), will often recreate similar situations to what happened in the past, that will make us feel into these wounds on a deeper level, triggering old hurt feelings, to then work through and release them. Often these underlying wounds may not even be from this lifetime, but from one or more experiences in past lives. In my own case, one wound that has been quite prominent, is the feeling of not being appreciated as a woman. What I mean by that, is that men appear to be more interested in “one thing”, if you get my drift, instead of wanting to get to know me as a person, and becoming my friend before potentially going into something deeper, or something physical.
Situations where this came up, happened a couple of times to me over a short period of time, and it made me quite frustrated about the seeming “one-track mindedness” of men, or some men rather, as I suppose I shouldn’t judge all men from the action of some (another pitfall of collective male/female wounding). Although I have felt for a while that I have two major issues, or core wounds; a sexual wound and an abandonment wound, I’m beginning to see that they really amount to the same core wound: to not feel loved, respected and appreciated as I am. Throughout my journey this has been reflected back to me in a myriad of ways, by my twin flame, but also by many others, and not just by people but by what I attract into my life in the form of work, relationships, money, experiences, you name it. In the end though, what it comes down to is that I myself do not fully love, respect and appreciate myself. I feel that I am not enough, and don’t love myself in the way I want to be loved.
And I do believe that is the core wound that we all suffer from in some way, lack of love, yet it shows up in different ways in all of us. And when it comes to the issue of sex, it may be one of the areas that have messed with us the most. Sex has been used to manipulate, to gain power over the other, and not so much to give love, which is what it ultimately should be used for. We have become so conditioned by society and our own wounds that we end up doing things without really understanding why we do them, until we dig deeper of course, and this is very true when it comes to sex, I have come to find. But as we go deeper, we understand that it is our wounds and conditioning that is controlling us, and then we can set ourselves free from that. Shifting out of our wounded behavior, and into more empowered action such as setting boundaries, saying no and following our inner guidance, is perhaps one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves. That is when we begin to show ourselves love, respect and appreciation, and the more we do that, the more we will be able to love ourselves and feel lovable.
Although I still know there are things I need to heal and release to be able to find complete, unconditional love for myself, I know that I will, in time, get there. And you will, too, if you also, like me, have blocks and wounds that stop you from feeling that love within you. But the beautiful journey of ascension will take you there. And we will continue the work on ourselves until we get there. Until we can really feel that we are lovable, just as we are!
With that, I sign off for today, and as always, send you much love and light!